All the emails of 2006 that have changed my life
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Thanks to all the emails i received in 2006, this is how my life has changed:
I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I am still waiting to receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates is sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to email, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends within five minutes.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so that a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.
I will never check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will hack into my line for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to all the great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I find in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex predator waiting underneath a car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 60 minutes, you will have 10 years of bad luck and go straight to hell when you die.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I am still waiting to receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates is sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to email, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends within five minutes.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so that a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.
I will never check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will hack into my line for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to all the great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I find in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex predator waiting underneath a car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 60 minutes, you will have 10 years of bad luck and go straight to hell when you die.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
