CrapChannel Times

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked if he could file for divorce.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

"Have you any grounds?"
"Yes, an acre and half and nice little home."

"No, I meant what is the foundation of this case?"
"It made of concrete."

"I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"
"No, we have carport, and not need one."

"I mean, what are your relations like?"
"All my relations still in Poland."

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player."

"Does your wife beat you up?"
"No, I always up before her."

"Is your wife a nagger?"
"No, she white."

"Why do you want this divorce?"
"She going to kill me."

"What makes you think that?"
"I got proof."

"What kind of proof?"
"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'."

Posted by CrapMaster at 8:48 AM | Permalink | Comments

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love. But you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

Posted by CrapMaster at 2:24 AM | Permalink | Comments

*House.Breaking*
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!"said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
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*Wife.Lost*
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Could you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asked.
"Because everytime I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
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*Teacher.Of.Idiots*
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
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*Hearing.Cured.By.Will*
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear perfectly to 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
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*Black.&.White.Wedding*
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"
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*Dream.Of.Pearls*
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife.
With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - "The meaning of Dreams".
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*Laughing.Out.Loud*
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, "Honey,if I died would you get married again?"
The man said, "No dear." The woman said, "I'm sure you would."
So the man said, "Okay, I would."
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the women asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
And the man replied, "No, she's left handed."

Posted by CrapMaster at 1:00 AM | Permalink | Comments